"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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