Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
