Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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