Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
