Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
