Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
