Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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