Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????