Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms