I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.