Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

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  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (106) Good night (23118) Bad night (1074)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.

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  (303): So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper. http://tfl.nu/p0yj
  Replies (34) Good night (942) Bad night (5802)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

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  (330): We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true http://tfl.nu/pl0k
  Replies (23) Good night (4225) Bad night (899)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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  (912): He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/csjq
  Replies (21) Good night (5871) Bad night (1245)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

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  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (41) Good night (11520) Bad night (1472)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...

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  (616): So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes... http://tfl.nu/3so6
  Replies (6) Good night (3559) Bad night (1050)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (952) Bad night (3126)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

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  (207): I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off. http://tfl.nu/j6re
  Replies (14) Good night (1114) Bad night (3143)
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  (760): View more from California

  She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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  (760): She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid. http://tfl.nu/c9kh
  Replies (3) Good night (604) Bad night (1409)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...

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  (765): We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often... http://tfl.nu/m3tb
  Replies (4) Good night (2052) Bad night (638)
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  (716): View more from New York

  the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.

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  (716): the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue. http://tfl.nu/b0ty
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (460)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It turns out my teeth are bleeding.

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  (+44): Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become. (+44): It turns out my teeth are bleeding. http://tfl.nu/m4n5
  Replies (4) Good night (618) Bad night (1967)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.

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  (330): As yoda would say; A bitch, she is. http://tfl.nu/vx3o
  Replies (3) Good night (1061) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me

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  (516): dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me http://tfl.nu/r9vy
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.

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  (+44): The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/xzp9
  Replies (0) Good night (240) Bad night (86)

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