Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
