He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.