You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
