She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
