i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
