Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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