Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bring me that man meat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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