and you said cock pushups were impossible
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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