why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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