I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
