Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
