Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
