good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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