If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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