This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it was like eating out sand paper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
