Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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