I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
