I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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