I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
