i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
