I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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