maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
