hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
