Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
