I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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