Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
