i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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