you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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