I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
