If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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