You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
