She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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