She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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