mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize