she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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