you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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