Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
