how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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