The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
