i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
