She's JV to your varsity
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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