My hand turned me down
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
