im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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