All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
