I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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