..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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