Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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