Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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