Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
