my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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