I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
