just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
NoShamevember. You game?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
