This is not my ceiling
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize