I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
