we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
