and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
