this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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