Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
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