okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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