Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
