So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
