I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
