I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
