Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
